Redneck EHarmony Profile Rejects
1) Billy-Bob - Arkansas
Hi their ladies. I am Billy-Bob from Arkansas and here is a fine pictor of me in my swimming pool that I done built myself with my uncle Phil. It keeps the old jewels nice n cool in the summer months when I can't git to the creek. OK so it's really my pickup but don't worry none, I done gone insulated her with a little plastic so her innards don't git all fucked up. I'm looking for a lady of breeding who appreciates corn dogs, the state fair and pig farming and who ain't bothered about gitting on down in the mud or gitting it on in the mud. Yeeha. I'm looking for a big ass, some o'them big boobulas and legs that don't quit. I like's the little chillun, animals and killing pigs with my bear hands.
2) Randy, Alabama
High there ladies, Randy here from Alabama and don't be a feared cuz I might look like a real badass motor scooter and I truly am when it comes to bar fighting and hog wrestling but when it comes to you ladies i am a big old pussycat meoooww! Here's one of my special home made horseshoes for you lovely lady and it will bring you much luck, yes ma'am. It done brung me luck that one time after I snorted down half a hog after a hoe down and needed a place to sit to fart out my inners. Don't worry though, i done sponged it down since. I'm looking for a lady who likes a good time, can handle a moonshine still and who can ride the mekanical bull at the rodeo for more than 30 seconds that's how I know she the lady fur me.
3) Clarence Filburn IV, Louisiana
Goddamit. My buddy Keith wants me to git my ass on here to find me a wimmens. I'm just sick of looking after my damn self when there is perfectly good wimmens out there who kin do it fur me. I've a lot to offer the right wimmens like my castle here behind me and I got the built in air conditioning espeshly in the latrine area as shown above. I used to have the shitter inside the castle but then the damn vermins moved in and shit all over the place and i had to move outside for a spell. I'm looking for wimmens who will pay attenshon to my pecker and cook grits. Maybe you kin do it at the same time? She also need to be stacked like a water melon cart and she needs to know how to shoot a gun cuz the vermins move fast and I ain't got the time.
4) Cletus, West Virginia
Hi there! How yoo doing! Cletus here, good ole boy from West Virginny, yes ma'am. This pitcher is me after the town clam bake and hog roast back in summer 0h sevin. Was a scorcher that day yip. That there in my claw is a little special lemonaid made by Dolores Masterson and full of Jesse Oak's moonshine juice. I thought I had a shot with old Dolores as she a hottie. Wore my special occashun overalls and everything but she done gone made the beast with my cuzzin Fred. Well I say cuzzin but he's also my grandpaw. He says I should come here and find me a hottie of my own so I figure I'd like a blonde with big waps and tiny shorts and some spunk. I'll give her some spunk yes sir. I likes them gals with the sass and the gum. If yous one of those gals gimme a call on the blower with your bra size and bank account details.
5) Lurleen, Texas
IT'S LURLEEN GRADY I'M THE CUTE ONE IN THE PRINCESS CROWN. I AM LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO AIN'T A DAMN SUMVABITCH. MEN IS ALWAYS RUNNING OUT ON ME TO GET CIGARETS AND NEVER COMIN BACK AND I'M ABOUT THRU WITH THAT. I AM A CARING LOVING WOMAN WHO HAS HER OWN BIZNESS DOING NAILS FOR THE TRAILER PARK. THIS PIKSHUR IS LAST JULY 4 WITH MY SISTER JOLENE AT HER HOUSE. SHE GIT HER A HUSBAND WHO DRIVES TRUCKS SO I COME ON HERE TO FIND ME A MAN WHO AIN'T A MOTHERFUCKER. I GIVE GOOD SERVICE AND KIN TELL HIM WHEN HE NEED TO WASH THE DISHES OR BRING ME A PIE. HAD A FELLA NAMED CARL WHO BRUNGED ME A WHOLE PIG TO CHEW. HE WAS GOOD PEOPLE BUT WE HAD TO KILL HIM FOR GIVING MY LITTLE NIECE A BABY WHEN SHE WAS TWELVE. NO ONE CAN PROVE NOTHING.
