Bring It

April 24th will be "Bring your Son or Daughter To Work" day once again. I never understand this day. People bring in a bunch of hyperactive little people who don't do any actual work, wear a bunch of oversized free t-shirts and buy the last soda in the cafeteria when you've been looking forward to it all morning and are about to expire from dehydration. I feel that there needs to be similar catering to other, more childless entities like myself when it comes to invading your work day with foreign outside influences.

"Bring a Keg To Work Day" - I would approve this day heartily. A keg would fit under my desk nicely and a long straw running from said keg straight into my mouth would be a good way to spend any day. When you're mainlining Heineken normal workday hassles seem irrelevant. Or so I'm told...moving swiftly on...

"Bring Your Dog To Work Day" - Again, far superior to children, dogs could actually make your day more productive. For a start he can shred documents pretty well. Granted, not usually the ones you had in mind, and sure you still had a couple years wear left in those shoes, but hey. A dog can also finish any lunch scraps you didn't eat and chomp enthusiastically on the cajones of your boss when he's being a giant ass. What's not to like?

"Bring An Attitude To Work Day" - For me, this occurs every day but I'd like to make it official. A whole day where you are not only permitted, but expected to be an ass. "Expense reports you say? Why don't you shove those right up your poop chute and maybe they'll come out the other end making sense."

"Bring a Devious Friend To Work Day" - I can think of no more fun way to spend a day at work than with a similar bad influence. You could play poker (or Canasta if you're over 60 and still devious) smoke doobies, drink absynthe and belch at callers. Bring in a blackjack table and a few hookers and you have yourself a work party.

"Bring a Cake To Work Day" - The world would be a better place if, when you get a little stressed out or flustered, you can put your whole head in a cake. Tell me I'm wrong. You can't can you? Because I am correct.