Aero-Panic

Terrorism is a global concern and not wishing to make it all about me (well ok...not much) I have to say that I'm a little peeved at terrorists' apparent desire to exterminate me at all costs. For instance, it is always the flights between the U.S. and the U.K. they seek to explode - a route they know that sooner or later I'll be travelling, armed with my trusty Xanax and a nervous disposition that would put Woody Allen to shame and with my penchant for attracting disaster like a big box of nails near a horseshoe magnet, these deadly explosions will happen right around the time I'm flying - most likely the night before I leave, forcing me to tackle the first swarthy dark-skinned person I see boarding my flight and restrain him with a trusty yet hastily concocted contraption made from bra elastic, the strap of my carry on bag and some Big Red gum at which time he will turn out to merely a) Portuguese with a tan, and b) Related to both royalty and the local Chief of Police.