The Real Yankees Vs. Red Sox

In baseball there are the guys who wear the uniform "modern" - slightly wider legs, looser shirts. Usually they're the younger, Hispanic guys. Then there are the old schoolers who wear their uniform fitted and featuring the knee-high sock thingies - normally the young, in awe newbies just up from the minors, or the old codgers hobbling round the bases with their oxygen tanks.

This latter look doesn't work for everyone, especially a great big fathead like Roger Clemens. Roger, when you have a big, wide ass the diameter of Texas and you attempt this look, you look like a giant, retarded pussy. Either that man does not own a full-length mirror or it's a special mirror that lies to him (and if those exist I'd like one that will tell me I'm five ten, 110lbs and 19 again).

Also, the Red Sox catcher, Jason Varitek (for some reason I tend to call him Homotek although I'm ashamed because it's insulting to gay people to suggest he might be one of them, but it tickles me that if he knew about it, his big, swollen head would probably explode with indignance, a big macho guy like him) has the same big, wide ass and those same girly socks, only on him it's even worse because those socks are RED. Only a great, big, flaming fan of Liberace would wear those. Oh, duh! See what I did there? And they make him look like an enormous, out-of-proportion, bearded lady, which of course he is. (I don't like him, but I think I hide it well. Just don't get me started on David Ortiz, or as I like to call him "That Big Fuckin' Fuck")

Strike two against Varitek is on his uniform collar he has the name "TEK" embroidered. Any grown man, even a hairy girlie-man like Varitek, who not only shortens their name to sound like a "KEWL DUDE" but also has it embossed on his gear, deserves to be cock punched, but since he doesn't have one I'll settle for pummeling his great, fat head until he is dead. Plus, a team captain who blatantly needs to wear a giant "C" on their uniform to validate themselves doesn't deserve to live amongst decent people.

Unless of course, that "C" doesn't stand for "Captain". Then I concur, Jason.