The Hurricane Guy

You know what job I want? I want to be that guy who decides what this season's hurricanes will be called. The ones they choose now are just unacceptable, quite honestly. Take this year:

We had Barry. Barry? What's he going to do, bluster into your state and steal your girlfriend then hit 700 home runs?

Then there was Dean. Hurricane Dean? Sounds like he's more likely to blow into town and install new spark plugs in your Oldsmobile.

Hurricane Humberto is kind of sad. Your mama could totally kick Humberto's ass.

Then there's going to be a Jerry who will show up to appraise your jewelry and feed you matza before Lorenzo gusts in to shake his dynamic bon-bon and seduce your sister.

Olga however - now Olga sounds like a hurricane!!! A huge fucking hurricane. A hurricane with a 3000 mile eye. Olga's a ball breaker, although I'm sorry, you can't call a hurricane Sebastien. What's Sebastien going to do, blow into town and look for the nearest hair salon?

Also, excuse me for not being alarmed at the idea of Hurricane Tanya. She might hit you with her handbag or poke you with an eyeliner stick but really...You can't call an almighty force of nature "Tanya" and keep a straight face, surely.

Hurricanes should have names like "Thor" and "Gunter" and "Tempest". They shouldn't sound like they're coming to town to do your taxes.