Groundhogwash

Call me cynical if you must, but the idea that a squirrel can predict weather for a whole year is a little much to expect of a furry rodent who only just about manages to stand upright. If a groundhog doesn't have a shadow you might want to check out the "Big Boys' Book of Demons and Otherworldly Beasts and Bastards" first for an explanation, before you start deciding this equates weather predicting. Allegedly, Adolf Hitler didn't have a shadow and look what happened to him! You won't find that information on the Internet either, so don't even try.

I have a much better idea for Groundhogs. The police could recruit them to carry little, tiny keyhole cameras implanted in their foreheads, so they could scurry around, recording drug dealers in the park, particularly the one in Washington Square Park who accosts me every night as I'm walking home, offering me some drug that sounds like an tropical disease. Or maybe he actually IS offering me a tropical disease? I'm almost tempted to find out.