Darwin Drinks Here

Some backwoods hick bartender threw a guy out of a bar for not being drunk enough.

Like designated drivers weren't hard enough to find. Like that poor, unfortunate, soda-drinking driver you had to bribe to fill the role isn't pissed off enough that he has to sit at the table with four insane, intoxicated baboons who think everything is hilarious, then drive them home afterwards.

If you're in a bar and you're the designated driver and you're drinking soda or juice, what's the big deal? Those drinks have bigger mark-ups most of the time than alcohol does anyway. Where else can you charge $2.75 for a Coke without someone punching you in the face?

The only time I'm interested in paying $2.75 for Coke is if I'm snorting it out of some hot, buff, boybo's navel.

Even then I'd have to think about it.