Why The Scots Are Strange Part One

My homeland of Scotland has been responsible in part at least for some of the greatest inventors and entertainment ever. John Logie Baird (nothing to do with Yogi Bear), Alexander Bell - inventor of the telephone, Robert The Bruce, Robert Burns, Sean Connery, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Robert Luis Stevenson, William Wallace, The Bay City Fucking Rollers, people! The Proclaimers? OK, I'm not sure I'm proving this point very well.

Ahem...

Anyway, now someone back in my homeland has decided to break some records by making the biggest bowl of porridge ever.

This baffles and confuses me somewhat. Of all the great stuff we could be attempting to do, like cure cancer or transplant brains or produce great tasting chocolate with zero calories or banning kilts on almost anyone or cloning more sheep - someone chooses to instead make a giant bowl of oatmeal.

I was particularly alarmed by this quote: Not only will we have the largest bowl of porridge in the world, we'll also have the world's largest spurtle.

I'm not sure I want to know what a "spurtle" is or if it's even legal, although we're talking about a country where sheep are pin-ups so who the hell knows.

Actually, to many Scotsmen, after a few drams of whisky, most sheep probably make them produce a "spurtle".