Grammar, Period

I was kind of sad to see this headline: "Reds' Ken Griffey sidelined by colon problem" because I totally sympathize.

With me it's commas. Do you insert them intuitively, while talking the phrase in your head, or do you sprinkle them liberally like salt in a stew?

Gunning for the Answer

I've been thinking about that old chestnut, the gun debate. To arm or not to arm. To me it seems like the old chicken and egg question.

Take the abominable shootings at Virginia Tech, for example. The gunman - a non-U.S. citizen to boot - was able to walk into a store and purchase a gun and acquire others, all of which he used to massacre 30 people at VT. Now part of me is thinking, if a large proportion of those students at VT also carried guns, maybe after the first couple of deaths someone would've had the gumption and balls to retaliate by blowing the gunman's head off, therefore, saving another 20 or more people from the terror and eternal peace that followed.

Then the other part of me remembers student union bars on a Friday night and knows that guns in the hands of people who get intoxicated enough to wear traffic cones on their heads, play beer-pong and end up pissing in their laundry hampers while still wearing Hawaiian shorts and a sombrero in December can never be a good thing.

Remember, guns don't kill people, but intoxicated students certainly might.

I Heart Florida

In part seven hundred and sixty three of "Why Floridians are bonkers" it is now illegal to feed the homeless without a permit in Orlando. Whoa, hold on to that sandwich sister, you'll find yourself in pound-me-in-the-ass prison before you can say "Want some mayo on that, dude?" if that sandwich winds up in the hands of Scruffy McHomeless over there. I mean I sort of see the point if some vindictive SOB is feeding the homeless arsenic-laced bratwurst or some other such tasty produce, but regular food?

In other news, backassward laws are nothing new to Florida, after all can't you shoot your gun at anything with a pulse down there, legally (possibly while boning your sister)? In fact, if you don't have a gun you better drag your ass across the border into Georgia or Alabama, pronto. OK, maybe those were bad examples...Maybe keep driving till you get to say...Delaware.

And...

This is the last thing I will say on the "Father of Anna Nicole Skank Smith's baby" thing. Howard K. Stern is reported to be elated to learn the baby is not genetically his, because now he can sit back and relax for eighteen years till it's safe to buy her lingerie.